• A Real Wisconsin Parents Guide to Controlling Your Kids

    Parents today are faced with a choice—allow your kids to figure things out for themselves, or control their every move. If parents allow kids to be on their own, this freedom will result in pregnancy, drug addiction, and jail time. While some parents are comfortable with allowing their children to Read More
  • Abortion A-OK With me

    I used to be really against abortion, but I recently saw the light. I met this girl from Altoona, and she was kinda cute, but I was also kinda drunk. Read More
  • Canadian Scientists to Clone Jesus

    DNA from Tomb in Jerusalem Raided to Clone Messiah What if God was one of us, and not just an annoying refrain from a Joan Osborne song? What if we could harness the DNA of God, and maybe make our own a little better for the effort? What if we Read More
  • Eau Claire Residents to Love Each Other

    “Wild” Bill Nielson, president of the Eau Claire Common Council, has issued a decree to all residents of the city. The short but poignant message reads “Love Thy Neighbor,” and it has been accepted with jubilation by the masses. Read More
  • Some Thoughts

    Doc just doesn’t understand! JT’s my son, for heaven’s sake! Why shouldn’t I tell my best friend? So what if he’s going to marry Hope this week. That’s my son, not that evil Stefano’s. My little spermies swam up Princess Gina’s fallopian tube, and Goddamnit I deserve to be recognized! Read More
  • PETA Convinces Cudahy to Quit Packing

    This article first appeared in 2001   The American Regional Meat Packing Industry Traders (ARMPIT), under pressure from PETA, has decided to completely change its practices of killing animals. The move comes as a surprise, though leaders in the industry are taking it in stride. Read More
  • Freshman Misinterprets Freshman 15

    Nicole Dewly, a freshman from Des Moines, has apparently misunderstood the term “Freshman 15,” but the guys in Towers don’t seem to mind. Nicole, or Nikki, as her friends call her, has worked hard to achieve the  number. Read More
  • Local Meteorologist Not What Was Expected

    To be honest, that meteorologist on Channel 13 is kind of fat. She does know all about sleet, snow, hail, rain, and that kind of stuff. All things being equal, however, I’d rather see a real sexy lady offering up the kind of data that makes me hot, or cold, Read More
  • Blast from the Past- Barbaro Shrine

    The pain was too severe back in 2007, but now we barely remember.    The Official Real Wisconsin News Living Shrine to Barbaro   Read More
  • Stop Putin Signs Bear Striking Resemblance to Ghostbusters

      The thematic meaning behind the Stop Putin signs matching Ghostbusters signs might be lost on most Americans, but Real Wisconsin News has investigated the similarities in order to analyze the reasoning for the similarities.  Read More
  • Mallory Edens Impresses With Words

    "I was really nervous but really happy to get the second pick. I was extremely nervous but it was really fun." Read More
  • Food Stamp Challenge to Stamp Out Debt

    At first, the idea of the Food Stamp Challenge was for Americans to see what it’s like to live in poverty and spend a mere one dollar per meal, but organizers of the effort are now touting their challenge as a way for Americans spend less on food and pay Read More
  • Facebook to Provide Eternal Life Option

    The newest and most controversial Facebook application to be launched allows users to live forever, at least online. And it’s not just in the form of some static profile. The Eternal Life application learns and then lives, and then keeps on living—forever.  Read More
  • Hiter to Run for Office in Washington County

    Aldous Hiter, a long time Washington County resident, will run for a position as a county supervisor in the upcoming election. His hopes are that, despite his name bearing a resemblance to Aldoph Hitler, he will be elected nonetheless, since he plans on running as a Republican. Hiter said, "I Read More
  • Lemurs Claim Ryan Braun as One of Their Own

    Quick, name five lemurs who have played professional sports! Stumped? Well you are not alone. Lemurs have a long history in professional sports (Pete Sampras, for example), but many see them as inferior to their more human counterparts. This is why lemurs across the globe are celebrating Ryan Braun as Read More
  • Milwaukee Gun Buyback Program Scrapped; Bullet-proof Vests to be Offered Instead

    The Milwaukee Gun Buyback Program has done little to stop violent crimes in the city, so some in the community are suggesting alternatives that may result in a safer city without having to pay people to go and steal guns. The program has paid up to $150 for handguns and Read More
  • New Pica Diet Sweeping the Nation

    America is buzzing about the new diet sensation long thought to be only an eating disorder: Pica. The diet allows people to eat anything they want, as long as the food is made up of non-nutritive substances. As an added bonus, the food is inexpensive and commonly found around the Read More
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