Latest News
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Hiter to Run for Office in Washington County
Read more... Hiter to Run for Office in Washington County
Aldous Hiter, a long time Washington County resident, will run for a position as a county supervisor in the upcoming election. His hopes are that, despite his name bearing a resemblance to Aldoph Hitler, he will be elected nonetheless, since he plans on running as a Republican. Hiter said, "I heard that even Adolph Hitler could win in Washington county if he had an "R" before his name, so I figured I'd give it a shot. In most places, people look twice at my name and get a little uncomfortable before they pronounce it, but generally not in this county." -
Newt Gingrich Rewrites History/Religion in Debate
Read more... Newt Gingrich Rewrites History/Religion in Debate
Newt Gingrich, in response to a question about gay marriage during the January 7th Republican Debate, said, "The sacrament of marriage is based on a man and woman; has been for 3000 years." He effectively rewrote history with that statement. However, it is unclear what Gringrich's version of history and religion might be, so Real Wisconsin News has taken the liberty to attempt to decipher his view of the world: -
Scott Walker Could Have Saved NBA Owners Millions
Scott Walker says the NBA has dropped the ball in settling with its union thug employees, claiming he could have devised a much better deal for the owners using techniques he learned while creating a better system for management/employee relations in Wisconsin. “I think I have some experience in dealing with greedy workers,” said Walker, while campaigning at a factory in Manitowoc. Walker went on to outline a multiple-step process that David Stern should have implemented in dealing with the union: (comments are based on what Walker told a college-educated intern, who wrote them down)
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Tom Barrett Not Sure He Needs Another Ass Kicking
Tom Barrett is considering whether he needs another ass kicking in a recall election for governor, but he may believe that he's been beat up enough over his career. Barrett has yet to throw his hat into the ring, and for good reason: Governor Walker's war chest will swell to sums Barrett could only have coma-induced dreams about because of the infusion of corporate donations from abroad. With that money, any candidate running against Walker will receive the business end of a big stick, then be dragged through the mud while chained to a large, gas-guzzling SUV. Barrett already took one beating from Walker, and he might be a bit gun shy about taking another high hard one for the team. Read more... Tom Barrett Not Sure He Needs Another Ass Kicking
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Scott Walker Saves Christmas
In an effort to bring Wisconsin back together as Christians, Scott Walker saved Christmas just before the bid to recall him from office, and he is hoping that the effort will prove once and for all that he is the true chosen leader of the state. By reclaiming the Christmas tree from liberals, Walker has brought back the Christmas season to Wisconsin. The citizens had been celebrating a pagan festivus holiday for the past twenty-five years, according to Walker's aides. Walker said, “The New Wisconsin Order will allow Christians to celebrate a Christian holiday that's always been a Christian holiday in a state that's always been a Christian state in a country that was founded by strongly Christian founding fathers, with Christianity as its founding principle. And it says loud and clear that Wisconsin is open for business this Christmas season.” -
How Can my Monte Carlo Make Fire Like That?
I’ve lived in West Allis since I was born, and though I’m no mechanic or anything, I do appreciate a loud V8 engine. However, when I was watching a race last week, I started wondering how I could rig my Monte Carlo to make fire like the ones on TV. Obviously, I don’t want a rocket on my car—I just want it to send a little fire out the tailpipes when I pass someone on Highway 100. Is that too much to ask? So I went to Autozone and asked someone there if they had a device to make fire come out of my car. The guy told me they don’t sell such a product and that it would probably not be street legal. Read more... How Can my Monte Carlo Make Fire Like That?
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Watertown Foie Gras
Watertown--So you say, “What in the Sam hill is foie gras?” This is the fancy French way of saying fatty goose liver. Now most Wisconsinites are familiar with fat livers as we take pride in supporting Miller and Johnsonville which cause our livers to beg for mercy as they become infused with fatty goodness. Read more... Watertown Foie Gras
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Prince’s House of Prime…Tofu?
So the thought of a tofu steak doesn’t have that same red meat ring to it for you either. This writer has learned of a possible business venture that is being run by the portly 1st baseman of the Brewers team. After seeing Ryan Braun’s current ventures into local eateries, William Brewski is seeing dollar signs and is hoping to get the Brewers slugger to sign on. Read more... Prince’s House of Prime…Tofu?
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Return From a Flooded-out Stupor
After many months of intense research in the field encompassing the areas of Alconomics, Shotology and Keg Studies I have once again returned bringing to light all the glories of my travels through the land of beer and cheese.
It became apparent that even after a night of excessive studies, buoyancy could not be achieved and that a life jacket is a wise choice when visiting the city of Jefferson, WI. A wonderful thing about the flooding is that you don’t have to pay for a new couch or desk these days as the street corners turned into mini-free garage sales.
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Tapping the Midwesties
Rocky mountain high, Wisconsin! Yes, you’ve heard right. Now all the frost-brewed goodness is going to be brewed right here in the city known for people who forgot what it is to say, “When.”
Being the beer connoisseur that this writer is, seeing a merger such as this can only mean one thing…terrorists have finally gotten to the last thing that is truly holy and sacred in America.
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Northwoods Terror Plot
Hurley – Local man, Oly Oakwood, has been setting “traps” around the local woods and caves of the greater Hurley, Wisconsin countryside since September 11th in hopes of capturing the elusive fugitive Osama bin Laden. Upon receiving word of his death in Pakistan, Oly was taken aback by the news, as he hoped to be the one to collect the $25 million reward that was posted for his capture or demise. Read more... Northwoods Terror Plot
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Proof of Out of State Protesters in Madison
Governor Scott Walker has said that out of state protesters now outnumber those from Wisconsin who are protesting the bill that would kill their unions. Real Wisconsin News investigated, studying photos taken at the protests. We found that not only is Walker right, but UW-Madison may be up to some of their old tricks doctoring photos to make the protests appear more multicultural. You be the judge:
British police and an Asian mob? Scott Walker seems to be right.