Hiter to Run for Office in Washington County

Al HiterAldous Hiter, a long time Washington County resident, will run for a position as a county supervisor in the upcoming election. His hopes are that, despite his name bearing a resemblance to Aldoph Hitler, he will be elected nonetheless, since he plans on running as a Republican. Hiter said, "I heard that even Adolph Hitler could win in Washington county if he had an "R" before his name, so I figured I'd give it a shot. In most places, people look twice at my name and get a little uncomfortable before they pronounce it, but generally not in this county."

 

Hiter said he'd never really thought about running for public office before, but after he read that a Slinger teacher said that even Hitler could win in Washington County, he decided to give it a shot. "I'd often thought about changing my name, especially after the looks I received at a recent Bah Mitzvah, but I believe that the people of Washington County are open-minded enough to get past a mere name. I'd also thought about shaving the mustache and stopping the greasy comb-over, but that's all in the past now" Hiter may be right to think he has a chance, as 46% of Washington County voters choose not to look at the names, and 79% of those voters select Republicans. That means Hiter would have 36% of the votes wrapped up before anyone reads his name. Hiter figures the rest of the votes will come from racists and those with morbid senses of humor.

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