With the popularity of Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama, especially on college campuses, bars all over the nation are marketing a new drink called the Obama Slammer (Slamma).  The drink has not officially been endorsed by the Obama camp, but it is the official drink of his Facebook page.

The drink itself is a derivative of the popular Alabama Slammer, though not as sweltering with the heat of injustice or oppression.  Advertising campaigns for the drink promote it as a beverage that can “lead the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners to sit down together at the table of brotherhood and get ripped.”

The basic ingredients are fairly consistent with the traditional Alabama Slamma, including Amaretto almond, a drink that has smooth, dark tint to it. A bit of Southern Comfort peach as a reminder of traditional Southern values is added. Some sloe gin is also used, it’s gin base pleasing to alcoholics of all races, and it’s sweet flavor pleasing to the ladies. The bartender can use an optional splash of sweet sour mix, as well. However, the most important ingredient is pure vanilla extract (70 proof). Some Obama Slamma parties at bars near college campuses have included baskets of Oreo cookies replacing the more ethno-centric popcorn.

Not to miss an opportunity to target college campuses, the McCain camp has unveiled John McCain Grain Alcohol, rated at 193.6 proof (based on birth year of 1936). When asked if the alcohol was safe or legal, McCain’s campaign manager said, “John McCain stands for getting something done when you say you’re going to do it. If you go to a bar to get stupid drunk, then you should not waste your time on some ladies’ drink. Two shots of McCain Grain, and you’ll be grinning.” McCain himself had this to say: “You don’t go out to a bar for the atmosphere, or else they wouldn’t have to serve drinks there. You go to forget something, like being tortured, and the hell if I’m going to drink an Obama Slammer if I really want to forget my bout with dysentery while in a POW camp. What the hell does Obama have worth forgetting anyhow? Growing up on an island paradise in Hawaii? Or maybe his years at Columbia…”

Real Wisconsin News has not yet learned of a Hillary Clinton signature drink, though Bill enjoys Sex on the Beach, Blow Jobs, Dirty Girl Scouts, Bar Sluts, and Hot Young Ladies, among many, many others.