What we say and what we mean about Donald Trump. These words apply to both liberal and conservative, friend and foe. Probably even offspring and wives.

 

What we say:

He’s a successful businessman

What we mean:

He runs companies into the ground yet stays rich. He fails time and again yet claims to be an authority. He tells truthful hyperbole and people believe him. That’s probably success.

 

What we say:

He has small hands

What we mean:

He has a small cock and compensates buy covering things in gold that have no business being covered in gold, like his hair color.

 

What we say:

He tells it like it is

What we mean:

He makes everything up as he goes, and does it loudly, like an American tourist in Western Europe. He’s your idiot cousin who’s good at oil changes, so you let him change your oil, even if he insists on listening to his favorite Limp Bizkit CD.

 

What we say:

What he said about women is locker room talk, and his accusers are liars

What we mean:

Men: I WISH I could get away with saying and doing what he’s said and done.

Women: With that money and power, he can grab me like a pair of boots on Black Friday

 

What we say:

He’s a Christian

What we mean:

I care about one issue in the world, and that’s abortion. And not being compassionate towards foreigners or those who are sick. And making a lot of money.

 

What we say:

He’ll make America great again

What we mean:

My wife stopped giving me head after a year of marriage, and then some brown person moved into the house two over from me and has a better job than my wife who has a better job than me.  

 

What we say:

He says what I want to say and isn’t politically correct

What we mean:

I will no longer be seen as the biggest douchebag around at family gatherings and on social media.

 

What we say:

He’s a good person

What we mean:

I care about one issue in the world, and that’s abortion. And not being compassionate towards foreigners or those who are sick. And making a lot of money.

 

What we say:

He has a beautiful wife

What we mean:

She is a golddigger and a trophy. He’s a sleazy old man who is the envy of most other old men who don’t have the money or energy to be sleazy.

 

What we say:

His wife is not only beautiful but also intelligent

What we mean:

She’s a stupid fashion model who looks good in anything, even smart people clothes, and she can get away with plagiarism and saying less than a Muslim wife because she’s from a Third-World Eastern European Country and freakin stupid, but I don’t care.

What we say:

He’s taking America back!

What we mean:

A Black president was as much as I could handle. A woman? Hell no! I’m not racist or sexist. I’m just telling it like it is.

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