Anne Balentine was a fan-favorite back in the 1990s on Milwaukee's Channel Four. Nothing seemed out-of-the-ordinary with her, and I blissfully watched the news until one day my friend told me she had a prosthetic arm.

 

I couldn't help but watch the arm after that day. We should all be bigger than that, but I wondered things like: How far up did it go? Did she take it off at night? If Mike Gousha made an unwanted pass at her and she slapped him with it, could she knock him out?

Anne was a pleasant newscaster and an inspiration to people with disabilities. In fact, she gave me hope that I could someday appear on the news, even though I was slightly overweight, had more than my share of facial acne, and sported more chest hair than the post-1970s average newscaster. Wherever you are Anne, thank you.

Today, Anne is possibly a spokeswoman for a local hospital, but that could be some other Anne Ballentine, I suppose.

Anne, if you're reading this, please buy my book:

Friday, August 17, 2007 11445
Two people were the victims of a robbery about 4 a.m. Aug. 3 as they walked on Oakland Ave. at Belleview Ave. The robber knocked down one of the victims and took a cell phone. It's funny that you read this account, and I feel like I somehow stole your old-ass cell phone from when the story was written. To help make me feel better, I offer this:
Thursday, September 27, 2007 10255
A nylon bag with an English 101 pamphlet, total value of $4, was reported stolen Sept. 10 from outside the Union Bookstore.

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