Listen you morons, my brains are this big, really, they are!BREAKING NEWS!!!

Green Bay Packers General Manager Ted Thompson made a somewhat surprising and extremely strong case for "Asshole of the Year" in Wisconsin by shooing Hall of Fame Superbowl Quarterback Brett Favre out the door from the Green Bay Packers this month. 

Thompson had previously been thought to have had no chance of winning the prestigious award due to building a competitive Packer's squad through the draft in a relatively short time.  However, in alienating Brett Favre to the point of retirement, it is likely that there is no way he can avoid the 2008 award, and probably 2009 award to become only the second multiple winner.  Thompson took a sizable lead on his competition which included the three stooges of Milwaukee Bucks basketball of Larry Harris, Larry Krystowiak and Herb Kohl, Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett for becoming invisible on all important city issues, annual candidate and six time winner Mike McGee Jr. and several murderers.  Academy voters speculate now, that the only possible way for anyone to wrestle the award from Thompson would be if Brewer's GM Doug Melvin traded away Prince Fielder, Yovani Gallardo, Ryan Braun and Cory Hart for a slick hairpiece and some nachos, or if Governor Doyle realized his dream of seceding from the Union and expand the People's Republic of Madison to encompass the entire state.

Thompson's Asshole run is ironic as it had also been anticipated that he would be nominated for "Man of the Year" for his rejuvenation of the Green Bay Packers.  The about face is possibly due to the expectation that in professional sports when a team is close to winning a championship, that team's general manager usually uses the proven strategy of fortifying his team with a few key parts, generally on the expensive side, to get the best chance of making a championship run while his stars are still capable.  Thompson however has decided to take a completely different approach.  In an effort to continue rebuilding the Green Bay Packers in his ficticious image of the Superbowl Champion Seattle Seahawks, Thompson has decided to trade away a core defensive lineman for a draft choice, not pay for Randy Moss or any other needed players and follow it up with his coup de gras of shooing the beloved Favre out the door. 

Thompson's assholishness has been hinted at by several players and former Packer VP Andrew Brandt, as well as heavily suspected by Beav's dad.  The greater Packer nation, as well as the over-rated Bob Harlan however, have been willing to overlook the evidence of Thompson's assholery due to some good (not great) draft results.  But as it turns out, apparently Ted Thompsen really is an arrogant fuck prone to making mistakes borne out of his own hubris and self-delusional view of his own brilliance.  One source who is an advisor to the Packers board, we'll call him Bud to protect his identity, said that Thompson reminded him of former Brewers GM Dean Taylor, "yeah, Ted is a good scout, and he knows to draft a lot of guys so a few extra turn out, but he has no idea how to get over the hump." 

Real Wisconsin News has learned from Scott Favre, Favre's agent Bus Cook and Favre's personal reporter Al Jones that Favre's decision to retire stemmed primarily from his frustration with Ted Thompson not spending to add a few key players in an effort to win a Superbowl in 2007 or 2008, notably Randy Moss, as well as Ted's refusal to even take one swing from Favre's jock.  According to Favre, Thompson had intimated that he would attempt to make a Superbowl run with Favre at quarterback similar to what was done in Denver near the end of John Elway's career, but has not followed through with acquiring a few players to make that run, infuriating Favre.  Beav speculates this was all a part of Thompson's plan to be rid of Favre in favor of superstar draft pick Aaron John Kitna Rodgers.

Many believe that Ted Thompson's good drafts have gotten the Green Bay Packers close to being a great team.  However, good teams generally don't win Championships without a superstar or two leading them.  Without Favre, the Packers were likely 3 or 4 games worse each of the past two seasons.  So, with NFL Scouts saying the Packers lack great players, though they do have a lot of good ones, how good are they really going to be in 2008 without Favre.  According to one of Beav's best Las Vegas sources, "bet against the Pack boys, they'll be favored to win because of last year, but they ain't gonna cover often and are gonna lose a lot outright." 

Ironically, the last team Thompson worked for never won a Superbowl and only got there once, largely because they never had a great quarterback, somebody like say Brett Favre.  In fact, when the Seahawks had an opening for GM, they did not give the job to Thompson despite his work there on the Seahawks drafts in previous years.  So, now without a great quarterback, all apologies to the thrice injured Aaron Rogers, the Packers can continue their quest to be the Seattle Seahawks.  Thompson's only hope for avoiding the award is for the Packers to win the Superbowl in 2008 or 2009; which probably only happens if Brett Favre can be convinced to overlook Thompson's assholedouchebaggery and come back to the team.

0
0
0
s2smodern

Jacksonville News

New Jax Witty

Articles, reviews, advice, and legitimate research to go along with some back-handed comments. Think of us as Jacksonville's mother-in-law.
  • Using Walgreens For Covid Vaccine Semi-Fail
    I was recently deemed eligible For a Covid-19 vaccine. Gateway Mall was a good site when my wife went, but I decided I'd save some time driving and choose a local Walgreens. Kind of a mistake, though I am vaccinated.
  • JAXEX Craig: Loud Sunday in East Arlington Probably New Norm
    I know some folks from Holly Oaks contacted me about the noise from JAXEX Craig Airport a while back they had video of planes continuously circling, reminiscent of something I'd see months later over my own neighborhood. Maybe complaints from Holly Oaks moved some of the routes. Maybe airport traffic means everyone in East Arlington must suffer. 
  • Jax Local Ad of the Week: Those Krazy Kids
    First off, support local businesses, whether they use kids, animals, or inanimate objects in advertising. 

    Let's take a look at some of the local ads that use kids, who obviously say the darndest things. We'll look at five local Jacksonville ads that use kids as part of their pitches in order to see if it's effective as it is cute. 

    The first ad uses a slightly older kid than the rest, and we'll assume it's a daughter (heir) to the Air to Air company. She suggests, "Let's give away a $350 WIFI Thermostat with every Carrier 15 Seer Replacement Heat Pump." Even if this kid was raised in a household of HVAC folk, it's very unlikely she'd make this statement. Most kids would be like, "Buy a new Carrier system from my dad so he can get me a PS5." Maybe, if it's a really altruistic kid, she'd say, "Buy a new Carrier so that our company can donate food to homeless people or something." The latest ad for Air to Air features a teenage girl (not sure if it's the same girl), and she also suggests the same giveaway. Whereas I can almost buy that a little kid wants to give stuff away to customers, I'd think a teenager would be like, "Just buy a Carrier from my dad already so I can get a Jeep Wrangler for my Sweet Sixteen. Or don't. Whatever."


    The next ad for Southern Home Additions features Erich, who says, "Don't wait til I take over...CALL NOW!" He's dressed in a tuxedo and seemingly dancing, perhaps at a family wedding. While he looks like he might be saying, "A cha cha, I love Kool Aid!" it's entirely possible that he was just told at the wedding that he would one day take over the family construction business, perhaps because his aunt just married some guy from a rival construction company. Still, I can't imagine he'd have the foresight to suggest people should invest in home additions now rather than in twenty years when he's the boss. He'd probably really say something like, "I love trucks and mac n cheese and puppies!" when asked what he wants to tell potential customers. And, honestly, who doesn't love those things?



    The next ad from Elite AC features another cute kid who is looking shyly away from the camera and saying, "Kids like Clean Air, Trust us!" This is an interesting statement, coming from a kid. First off, kids are very self-centered, and it's unlikely this child would say that all kids like clean air if he's really talking about himself. Also, most kids don't use the royal we in a sentence or consider themselves to be part of the company. So a kid, when prodded to do so, MIGHT say, "I like clean air; trust me!" You notice how I also don't capitalize random words and use a semi-colon properly? If this wasn't a speech bubble that's quite obviously coming from a kid, I'd say it was the disembodied voice of the owner of Elite AC saying it, with "us" representing the employees of the company. If you really want to go out there, you could say that the eyes rolled to the side are more creepy and the possessed child is speaking as Legion, but most people wouldn't trust a child who's in need of an exorcism. 



    Precision Carpet features a little boy and a pit bull, two of the most destructive entities known to suburbia. The boy has a smudge of dirt on his face and maybe in his hair while wearing overalls (reminiscent of Dennis the Menace). He's not really saying anything or even doing anything, but I suppose he will make a mess, given the chance. However, the irony in this photo is that neither the boy nor the dog are on carpet. The vans are. I have not yet seen a carpeted garage or driveway in Jacksonville, but I guess Precision Carpet will clean em if you got em. 

    Side note: I did see a carpeted driveway while walking through Winnipeg (of all places), and I have seen some ratty carpet in enclosed patios here in Jacksonville, though I'm not really sure carpet cleaners can handle engine oil or grease from a grill. 

    Credible AC uses a baby with his/her family to sell UV light filtering and duct cleaning. While neither will actually protect anyone from Covid, my wife definitely made me get the ducts cleaned in our house when our first baby was born, so I get it: the billion-year-old dust just sitting in your ducts is better off aging in a vacuum or a landfill in Georgia. Guys, just humor your wives and get the ducts cleaned the one time you have a firstborn. 

    There is one other detail that might need some explaining: the extremely appealing model-parents both sport thick and dark hair, while the cute baby seems to be totally blonde or completely bald. I'm sure the kid will look like dad eventually, but that's one father who might be doing the math of his deployment and when his wife scheduled the construction work, carpet cleaning, and AC installation.  I'm kidding. The real question is why the dad's dressed like a lumberjack when the family lives in Florida and has a working HVAC system. 





    Search New Jax Witty #hbz-searchbox { background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #EDEDED; padding: 5px; border-radius: 10px; margin: 10px auto; min-width: 238px; max-width: 288px; } #hbz-input { background-color: #FEFEFE; border: medium none; font: 12px/12px "HelveticaNeue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; margin-right: 2%; padding: 4%; box-shadow: 2px 1px 4px #999999 inset; border-radius: 9px; width: 60.33%; } #hbz-input:focus { outline: medium none; box-shadow: 1px 1px 4px #0D76BE inset; } #hbz-submit { background: transparent linear-gradient(to bottom, #34ADEC 0%, #2691DC 100%) repeat; border-radius: 9px; border: medium none; color: #FFF; cursor: pointer; font: 13px/13px "HelveticaNeue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; padding: 4%; width: 28%; } #hbz-submit:hover { background: transparent linear-gradient(to bottom, #2691DC 0%, #34ADEC 100%) repeat; }
    Related Stories
     
     
     
    Thanks for reading. See more of my content:

    Satisfamily - Articles about being happy as a family
    Passive Ninja - Web Design in Jacksonville
    McNewsy - Creative Writing
    Educabana - Educational Resources
    Brave New Church - Church Website Design
    Voucher School - Pros and Cons of School Vouchers
    Luthernet - Web Design for Lutheran Churches
    Sitcom Life Lessons - What we've learned from sitcoms
    Mancrush Fanclub - Why not?
    Epic Folktale - Stories of the unknown
    Wild West Allis - Every story ever told about one place
    Educabana on Teachers Pay Teachers (mostly ELA lessons)
    Real Wisconsin News - Satire from Wisconsin
    Zoo Interchange Milwaukee - Community website
    Chromebook Covers - Reviews and opinions

    Brian Jaeger - Resume (I'm always interested)

    Contact Me
  • Jax Local Ad of the Week: Pro Glass
    Remember to support local businesses. Now to the ad.

    Pro Glass is advertising frameless shower doors, but the door itself, along with the rest of this bathroom scene, seem just a little bit off. At first glance, it's a beautiful master bath, but the fun (and the devil) is in the details. Let's take a closer look at that room.
    The glass door looks great. But something seemed weird about it swinging in to me. When I looked it up, building code generally says that shower doors CAN swing in but MUST swing out. That's why I've never seen one swung in, and you probably haven't, either. My assumption is that this door swings in AND out, and maybe people tend to like the look of it swung into the shower area. The reason for the code is that a door that only swings in would trap someone in the shower if he or she falls, which is why this one must swing both ways (insert pop icon joke here). So I get that, but why is it swung in or out in the photo? Would anyone leave the shower like this? My wife certainly wouldn't let me leave the shower door open after I was done. Just in case you want to duplicate this look without hiring pros like Pro Glass, be sure to avoid installing a shower door backwards in order to save space.

    The bathtub seems to be in the middle of the room, which is fine by me. I assume it makes plumbing a little more difficult, but that's a homeowner's choice. The little end table/stool next to the tub is a bit more questionable. It seems to be leather or some other soft material. On top of the table is a tray with bath oils or whatnot. Also, two towels. One towel is rolled up while the other is draped over the table. Why? I guess it looks fancy, but also, no towel racks. Is that a Florida thing? Because when I bought my house, it only had one towel rack in the shower and one over the tub, neither of which were convenient. I had to add more to the walls, where towel racks go. Or, you could add a door towel rack. But this bathroom has no towel racks at all. Just a window to allow sun-drying, but no rack in the shower or near the tub or on the door. I guess you're supposed to drape your wet towel over your beautiful shower enclosure, but that kind of defeats the purpose of all that beautiful glass.

    The last detail that is odd and maybe even a bit frightening is the bird. 
    The bird is standing in the way of a door that clearly opens in. Is it a doorstop? Maybe it's a towel rack. But when I searched online for bird doorstops and towel racks, I could not find this bad boy. I did notice that the bird stands out more than anything else in the room, so it must be important. But it's blocking EMTs from getting into the bathroom, just like a shower door that opens in. It also looks like it has sharp edges, like something I'd stick in the garden rather than where naked people walk around. If it's iron, it would probably rust as a towel rack. My wife says it's a crane. Do you want to have a crane, whether it's a towel rack, a doorstop, or a piece of art, staring at you in the shower or tub while blocking your only exit? No, thank you.



  • 1986 Bertone (Fiat) X 1/9 in Jacksonville

    I've been asked by a reader to add some photos of my X. I don't think she'd mind. 

    I've seen a few people snap photos of her as I drive around, but I've kind of neglected to take many of my own. Her permanent, legal home is in Wisconsin, where most of the photos were taken. 
  • Section 8 Housing In Jax and St. Johns


    I first heard of Section 8 housing when I saw a news story about St. Johns County. That story said St. Johns had some kind of law against Section 8 housing, which resulted in fewer options to house the homeless contingent in St. Augustine. I never looked up Section 8 at the time, though I did wonder how St. Johns could ban Section 8 while Duval can't. I'm still not all that sure about how or why, but I do know most of us don't want Section 8 in our back yards. In fact, I just discussed something similar to Section 8 with my kids, as we drove past the Dunes Apartments next to Ed Austin Park. I said the apartments looked so bad that it might make sense to pull them down and build some smaller single-family homes, which might result in some of the people who no one really wants hanging out in a park being forced to move away. But then one of my kids asked me where they'd go, and that's what makes it complicated. I'd like to say, "St. Johns County," but I can't. And so that means that those of us in Duval who live too close to Section 8 housing will eventually move to where that type of housing can't exist.
  • Jax Local Ad of the Week: Beachside Swimwear and Gifts
    First and foremost, support local businesses. Now, let's look at the ad. 

    At first glance, this week's ad might seem like standard swimwear fare, but (like most ads) there are some strange details as you look closer. But maybe it's just because the business is trying to sell off those old 2020 swimsuits. Or it's just really difficult to make swimsuit models look natural in a tiny print ad.
  • Jacksonville's Two Civil War Burnings

    At some point, most of us who live in Jacksonville learn about the fire of 1901 that destroyed most of the city. That's why I was surprised to learn of two other fires in the city's past, both during the Civil War. Neither fire was as destructive property-wise, but I think the argument could be made that both of these fires were more destructive to relationships between locals that extended to the rest of the country. These fires were burnings rather than an accidental fire like in 1901.
  • Polar Blue Skies?
    What are polar blue skies? 

    I saw the term used on the First Coast News Weather Channel. When I asked Google, she said she didn't know how to help with that, so I just searched the term "polar blue skies" myself on Google. The top results were from old First Coast News posts about the weather. So is it a Jax thing or a local meteorologist thing? Or a real thing that most weather people ignore?
  • Jax Local Ad of the Week: Milano's for Valentine's Day

    Local ads can be fun because they are not always as polished as national ad campaigns. This is the first in a series that will take a look at some local ads from mailer magazines.

    Support local businesses, even if their ads weird you out a little.

    My wife enjoys Milano's, and we have used the restaurant's promotions in the past. And if it wasn't for a pandemic, we might have done the Valentine's Day Special, even with it being presented in this somewhat odd ad.

Donate to Scott Walker Without a Trace

Donate using PayPal
Amount:
Note:
and

Designed by Passive Ninja