Journal Sentinel Story on similar prank

While Governor Scott Walker is hearing some condemnation for information he released during a taped prank phone call, that has not stopped him from taking other phone calls from VIPs without much checking. Real Wisconsin News was able to reach Walker while posing as some of the more unlikely of characters but not when we called as Wisconsin citizens.

We first called as "Brad Schuler," a pipefitter from Waukesha. Walker did not take that call, nor did he take a call from "Caleb Graborski," a DMV worker from the South Side of Milwaukee. Walker didn't even take a call from Charles Wingate III of Delafield, so we figured his aides had figured out how to screen the calls or Walker had decided talking to people about the bill had become too dangerous.

That all changed, however, when we called as former Secretary of State Colin Powell. Here's a partial transcript of that call:

CP - What up, G?

SW - Hello sir, it's great to hear from you.

CP - What the 411 on them protestin fools, yo?

SW - Let me tell you, they are smaller in size every day and mostly from out of state and not really in tune with the people of the state, who all wholeheartedly believe in me and my ideas that I've been saying all along. And I'm going to stand firm because I am not someone who's going to cave and I [...]

CP - You wants me to get some of my homies ta blast caps in they asses?

SW - No, not just yet. We considered that for a while but I didn't think the people would have liked it too much, even if the protesters are just a bunch of 60s hippies and lazy union employees skipping work with the mostly out-of-town union lobbyists. I think I have it under control and I can be a real take charge kind of guy, so I'm pretty much going to end communism in Wisconsin like you helped to end it in Iraq.

Walker went on discuss many details of his plan to get state senators back from Illinois and his plan to bust unions in general, and we were surprised how much he talked about himself and the details of his plans. That continued about an hour later when we called as none other than Ronald Reagan.

RR - Well, it's nice to talk to you, Scotty.

SW - Wow, sir, this is a real honor. I thought you were. uh. in a nursing home or something. I just celebrated your 100th birthday the other day. I hope you're well.

RR - Damn right.

SW - I guess you've heard that I took it to the unions like you did with the air traffic controllers and the communists. It's our own metriflorical Berlin wall coming down in Wisconsin because I don't negotiate with terrorists, communists, or teachers. Speaking of schools, I'm thinking of bringing back that ketchup as a veggie idea you and Nancy had. I think that could save us a load of money buying actual vegetables for the schools. Anyhow, they'll have to figure it out for themselves when I cut the spending by 50%, just like I said I was going to do all along. Cut collective bargaining and funding so that I can get some of that trickling-down effect when several multinational companies move here. And so businesses will reinvest in their employees and their facilities when I give them the tax breaks they deserve. We are in for a couple of decades of prosperity, just like those you gave us.We just need to find all the right people and make sure they're all one of us [...............]

Walker continued to discuss his plans for living up to Reagan's legend, hinting only a few times that he may aspire to the same Washington DC office as the former B actor and B president. After roughly fifteen minutes of Walker talking mostly about himself, again, we ended the call, saying Reagan needed to get his medication.

Our last call was going to be as God, but we figured Walker would just talk more about how clever and wonderful he was, so we actually didn't call back. Honestly, listening to Scott Walker go on and on about himself and how much he means to the people of Wisconsin was kind of deflating, since it might appear to outsiders that everyone in Wisconsin feels that way. That everyone is all about themselves and not their fellow man. That everyone cares about sticking it to the other guy and not giving him a hand. Then we remembered the unions.

Give Scott Walker a cal, but don't say we didn't warn youl: (608) 266-1212

Monday, October 29, 2007 24553
While some critics charge that the Bush Administration has ignored global warming and passed big-business polluter-friendly legislation, the White House is suggesting Americans wait until November 4th, 2007 to decide.
Thursday, December 20, 2018 10765
The city of West Allis, after years of trying really hard, has decided to give up. The city has been ridiculed by others for some time, and though giving up never seemed to be an option before, it recently read an article about why people give up that made all the difference. "I was just searching the internet at the West Allis Public library when I found this article about why people give up," West Allis said in a recent interview. "I identified with those same concerns, but I just didn't see a way to avoid surrendering, so I did." Here's the list of reasons people give up and why West Allis has decided to join the throngs of humans who have done the same: 1. They want the outcome more than they want to obtain a skill. People want to get a better job without knowing how to do that job. It's easy if you have a rich uncle who owns a family business, but West Allis's richest uncle (Milwaukee) can barely keep things together. West Allis wants to be seen as a place for young couples to raise their families, but the small homes and weird neighbors are not welcoming to young professionals. "I tried building some nice, new apartments, but Milwaukee and Wauwatosa were doing the same thing, and that's where people want to be," claims West Allis. 2. They care too much about what people think (and fear judgment in failure). West Allis gets ridiculed by the big city next to it and other suburbs alike. "You think it doesn't hurt when you say 'Dirty Stallis' or chant 'Westallions!' while your team pummels our high school team, but it does hurt. Words hurt, Brookfield," says West Allis. Back when West Allis could still win at high school sports and had industries that were not shuddered, the residents could point to the scoreboard or laugh on their walk to work, but years of judgment for perceived failure has turned into more years of judgment for actual failure. "I keep the roads plowed and the streets relatively safe, but people still think there's something wrong here," said the city. 3. They mistake failure for lessons learned. West Allis claims that it has learned lessons over the years, like when the school system basically went bankrupt. The problem is that the lesson, even if it was learned, doesn't get enrollment up, and there's still no money. "People don't want to send their kids to our schools, then the schools blow through money faster than a North Shore patron at Heartbreakers, so now there's no money and no kids, so there's no lesson," says the inner-ring suburb. "That's failure, right?" 4. They would rather throw in the towel than pivot. West Allis claims it has tried to pivot before, like turning the former Allis-Chalmers plant into a high-end shopping center and business park. "We couldn't help that Kmart, Dollar Tree, and Burlington didn't bring in the fancy shoppers from out of the area," argues the city. "We even call it the 'Towne Center' to make it seem fancier. The next step would be to call it the Towne Centre, but whatever. I'm done pivoting." 5. They do not have the discipline to stick with their idea long enough to see it live. West Allis says it has stuck to the idea of an affordable community minutes from nicer communities for years. "The problem is that people still want to move on up to The Falls or West Bend or Muskego," says the towne. "Those people who move out there have nicer homes and schools, and lower taxes, and nicer air quality, and fewer problems with their neighbors, but..., aw forget it!" 6. They get distracted by what someone else is doing. "Hell, yeah, I get distracted by all the nice amenities going in around the area while I'm stuck with Hobo and an old-ass Menards store being my main draw to residents from other areas," admits Stallis. People come here to buy used cars from stereotypical used car salesmen, and then they get those cars serviced by one of my many auto shops, and then they stop to get a drink at one of my many bars, and then they go home." 7. They don't believe in themselves enough. "You know what, I used to believe. This was a city founded on the belief that every factory worker could live in his own home with nice built-ins and even stained-glass windows on a 45 x 120 lot, near parks and schools. It's the people who don't believe in that model anymore. They want half-acre lots and houses with usable basements and no glass on the sidewalks. If that's what it's come to, I don't want to believe!" West Allis has said it will continue to be a city until a suitable replacement is named. It plans to become a senior-living community in Florida when that occurs.

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