After many months of intense research in the field encompassing the areas of Alconomics, Shotology and Keg Studies I have once again returned bringing to light all the glories of my travels through the land of beer and cheese.
It became apparent that even after a night of excessive studies, buoyancy could not be achieved and that a life jacket is a wise choice when visiting the city of Jefferson, WI. A wonderful thing about the flooding is that you don’t have to pay for a new couch or desk these days as the street corners turned into mini-free garage sales.
A person is able to turn these semi-water-logged items into gold with the use of a computer and a little thing called eBay. Attach freshly-laundered tag line to any item and it turns into redneck gold.
With all these treasures to be had by the keen eye and weak sense of smell came the ability to fish in your front yard. There was no need to repeat the dreaded opening scene from the Andy Griffith show as all you had to do was cast a line over your sand-bagged front yard to catch a little supper.
Cletus Manchester, a local fisherman and adult club frequenter told RWN about his experience, “I hasn’t been able to get da boat out all year yet and nows all I gots to do is drop a line in my front yard.” Cletus proudly pointed to some of his prized carp he caught in his front yard.
The city had debated whether to turn the local park into an Olympic-sized outdoor pool, but the health department stepped in and said that it would be too much like Bradford Beach because of the water contamination.
FEMA was initially scared to visit the area due to the strong resemblance to a third world country. John Hambliss from FEMA told RWN, “I thought I had visited some remote village in India that was just looking for more US handouts.” They have since resumed talks with the townfolk of Jefferson and have decided to declare it a disaster area even against their better judgement.
Keep in mind that if you see rain forecasted while visiting the city of Jefferson that packing a life jacket and some sand bags won’t make you crazy, just logical.