Rick Santorum supporter, Wisconsin native, and near-billionaire Foster Friess made a statement that seemed to need a little explaining when he implied that the use of aspirin between a woman's knees could prevent pregnancies. Was he making a joke? Was this a viable option in the past? Does aspirin act as a spermicide? Does he know how to make babies? Real Wisconsin News decided to find out the answers to some of these questions.

 

 

Friess was likely using the aspirin between the knees as a metaphor for keeping a girl's legs closed, and that's a joke we can all appreciate, as long as you're hearing it in the boardroom with your millionaire buddies, or if your grandma's telling you to do it so that she doesn't have to say words like “sex” or “vagina” or “creampie.” 

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007 6804
Be sure to cast your ballots for Prince William in the Cosmo Sexiest Man Alive voting. He is obviously so much hotter than the other princes, and because he's royalty, he doesn't actually get votes on a normal basis like the Kennedys or Brad Pitt, so he'll appreciate your support. Really, is there a better Prince anywhere? Every time I see him in one of my magazines, my knees go weak thinking about him asking me to the prom or something. I know it's just a dream, but if baseball players can dream of hitting homeruns and little girls can dream of unicorns, I can dream about Prince William riding to my house on a white horse to meet my parents before the prom.
Saturday, February 27, 2016 12843
As an independently wealthy business consultant, I can tell you how good it feels to tell others to go f-themselves. Like if someone doesn’t detail my BMW properly when it gets washed. However, there are some situations when I want to go tell a client to f-off, but I just have to let it go, like if the client makes more in a year than Guyana. Like if I was working for Johnson Controls, and Alex Molinaroli tells me to shine his shoes while wearing a French maid outfit, I’d probably do it because the man makes $20 million a year and deserves to be able to humiliate anyone he wants. Like his wife. I bet he treated her like dirt, but now she’s pretending he didn’t because she gets half of what he makes, and she wants him to keep his job, so she’s acting like he’s not such a bad guy anymore. That’s power, folks. Alex said f-you to his wife while boning a company consultant (no, not me), and then when the ex-wife ripped into him, he told her f-off again if she wanted to keep half his f-the-world salary. That’s bold: tell the world you lied yesterday about me, ex-wife! He probably made her change her Facebook status to reflect her new-found honesty about how good of a man he is. F-yeah, Alex Molinaroli! That’s what every ex-husband wants to be able to do. Alex Molinaroli, after telling his ex to go f-herself, then told the leftist press to go f-itself, giving an “often-testy 30 minute interview” to The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, clearing his name for those of us who can see that it takes two balls the size of the Allen-Bradley clock faces to take on the press, your ex-wife, the mistress you met at work, and allegations you blew millions of dollars in a Ponzi scheme (and continued to support the accused), all while saying f-you to anyone who thinks you might be inept at managing money or relationships. Alex Molinaroli apparently even said f-you to the board at Johnson Controls. That would be like me going into a client’s office and saying, “F-you; we’re doing this campaign my way or the highway. My ex-wife needs a new fur.” This is really a testament to America that a man can get to a point where he can tell his ex, the press, and his employer to f-off and have a job because he’s just that important. I mean, this man’s EX-wife makes more a month than my loser public school teacher brother-in-law makes in a YEAR. The company this man runs makes billions a year, and it’s obviously all because of him. In fact, Johnson Controls should probably consolidate operations and let a thousand or so employees go in the Milwaukee area so that they can retain Alex Molinaroli as CEO. He’s obviously worth well more than 200 of their $100,000 a year employees. He probably has CEOs of auto manufacturers wearing French maid outfits and shining his shoes as he tells them to f-themselves during negotiations. Truly, Alex Molinaroli is an example of why there is and needs to be a healthy class system in America. Some of us, those of us who tell the others to f-off, simply deserve others to be below us, and it’s a positive sign that Johnson Controls recognizes a truly classy man when they hire one. Plus, it’s a great way to say f-you to employees and customers interested in ethics and morals. As Alex Molinaroli says, "I think that we all make mistakes in our life. I assume that that is allowed." F-yeah!

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