First off, I have to say I’m sorry for stumbling into the house all late with Cal the other night. Really, it was totally mean, even though it was the weekend and you didn’t have to get up for anything. And you’d never really complained about my late hours too much before. Anyway, like I said, I’m sorry, and I do appreciate the fact that you let me stay here while I’m in college and all that, and that you clean my room for me when I can’t find the floor.

So we were slamming the cabinets a little bit, but it was only because we were so hungry and you hadn’t bought the chips I’d asked for, so we were searching around for something to munch on. And you come out there to the kitchen and are all, “Damn you to hell, Bob,” and turned around and went to bed. Of course, Cal looked at me and said, “Dude, your mom just damned you to hell,” and at the time all I could do was giggle. After thinking on it for a while, though, I believe that was going a bit far. I mean, God could’ve been dozing off or something and woke up just in time to hear that and struck me dead right there for disobeying the Commandment with a promise. Wouldn’t you have felt bad, especially after I put that stupid entertainment center together for you last month?

And all this right before Mother’s Day and all. Am I supposed to go out and get you a mommy heart necklace, or maybe a Bible, so next time you can throw it at me as you damn me to hell? After I got over my hangover, I was so bummed out from being damned that I couldn’t even study for exams or mow the lawn or anything. I’m not even sure you really have the authority to send me to eternal damnation, but maybe next time you’ll consider that possibility before you go around casting the first stone and all that. By the way, where are you taking me when we go out for Mother’s Day?

Dude, read more articles here:

 

Sunday, September 23, 2007 24785
Actor and Comedian Martin Lawrence has admitted to Real Wisconsin News that he is in fact Serena Williams, and has been playing her for years. He also plays the role of Serena’s father Richard Williams, as well as Oracene “Big Momma Brandy” Price, Serena’s mother. Lawrence says that he meant no harm by entering the women’s tennis arena. In fact, the entire concept was to provide young tennis phenom Venus Williams with an instant family, but the ruse was simply taken too far.
Wednesday, November 09, 2016 12633
Donald Trump won America over by telling it like it is, and the fact is that most female heads of state are not beautiful women. Trump has been reluctant to give specifics, but based on past criticism of women, it would make sense that only two female leaders would make the cut in a pageant. Those two would be President Kolinda Grabar-Kitarovic of Croatia and a younger version of President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner of Argentina. The rest of the female leaders would not tempt President-Elect Trump to kiss them uncontrollably or grab them anywhere without permission. Most female heads of state are simply not Mr. Trump's first choice. However, Trump has expressed interest in negotiations with Princess Kate, Princess Beatrice Borromeo (photo), and Princess Kay of the Milky Way, calling them all solid 8s, maybe 9s. Bill Clinton has confirmed that all female heads of state and princesses over the age of 22 are on his bucket list.

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