All Other Nominees to Call Their Lawyers

 

Kewaunda “Ke-Ke” Watson of Germantown has Won the Society of Unified Entities’ Race Card Playa of the Decade Award for her “consistent and successful use of the race card in reaching her own personal goals.” Every ten years, thousands of African Americans, mostly women, nominate themselves for the awards based on past accomplishments.

Watson joins an elite list of past winners, including Oprah Winfrey, who won after she started getting white, suburban moms to say, “You go girl!” However, the award is not meant only to reward those who have achieved celebrity status. In fact, most Race Card Playa Nominees are known only to their co-workers and various local lawmakers. In essence, this is a lifetime achievement award, since evidence has no statute of limitations and no means by which it can be verified. In fact, tall tales of personal conquests lend themsleves well to the spirit of the award. A review of the nomination sent to the committee by Watson reveals the following:

  1. Watson grew up in Menomonee Falls yet claims to be originally from Milwaukee in order to demonstrate her own ability to come a long way.
  2. She attended MFHS and “acted bad” in the hallways. If confronted by teachers, she claimed they were being racist.
  3. She applied to and received several college scholarships earmarked for African Americans, most of which were created to help those with financial need. She established this status by claiming she lived with her maternal grandmother on Milwaukee’s North Side.
  4. In college, she once filibustered during a class discussion in English 321 about The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, claiming it was racist and that the professor was racist for using the book. She also said she would not read the book, said she would take it up with the administration if she was forced to read the book or if she was graded lower because she was singled out by the professor, who in turn gave her an A.
  5. In college, she would meet with professors after receiving low grades in order to explain why her poor study skills were a result of misbehaving students and teachers who didn’t give a shit from back in high school.
  6. In college, while working towards her social work degree, she only showed up for class group work meetings sporadically and told the white members of her group that they’d better write the paper if they wanted a good grade. When she was once placed in a group with two other African Americans, they told her she was lazy and gave them a bad name, so she went to the Dean and said the professor was racist for putting all the black students in one group, after which time she was placed in a new group.
  7. At her internship, she went to the board of directors, claiming her supervisor was racist when he cited her numerous times for showing up late and leaving early. She also claimed the job was set up as to discriminate against anyone who had to use public transportation (which she did not use).
  8. At her first job at a nursing home, working third shift, she claimed all the old white people said nasty things to her at night when no one else was around, and she was granted a first shift position.
  9. At her wedding, she called the DJ service to claim the DJ was racist because he was a white guy who yelled, “Damn, Baby-Girl!” when a bridesmaid fought for and won the bouquet; received a discount.
  10. At the birth of her child, she used “some white girl’s” phone number on documents. When the bills went unpaid, the owner of the phone number received dozens of phone calls from bill collectors. While this is not exactly playing the race card and was detrimental to her own credit, it was seen as a devious use of the system for potential personal gain by the selection committee.
  11. When running a daycare out of her grandmother’s house, she received state money for working mothers, whether or not the children showed up. Ke-Ke made enough money for a new Mercedes and a large down payment on a house in Germantown. Her grandmother was investigated by government officials who could not determine if any fraud had occurred.
  12. When putting an offer in on a house in Germantown, she told the realtor that she heard white folks didn’t like to sell to people like her, and that she knew who to contact if she found out the house sold to someone else; she got the house.
  13. She was named as the owner of a minority-run small business, even though she had nothing to do with the business. The business won minority-only contracts, and she received extra income for several years.
  14. When her daughter was not supposed to get a bus to her local public school because she lived within the two-mile limit, Ke-Ke went to the school board and said that her people fought to win the right to ride the bus and they better not take that right away from her daughter. She was granted a special exception.
  15. As the only African American white collar employee at her Waukesha County firm, she asked for and received the added position of Director of Diversity for a 20% raise. She sends out monthly website links to articles on diversity.
  16. She talks using Black English Vernacular when she wants get her way by use of intimidation at work. However, she stresses that this can only be done a couple of times per month. “People who talk like they’re from the hood from day one end up back in the hood without a job real quick, but if you talk like a white person and then slap em upside the head with ebonics, it’s like EF Hutton showed up.”
  17. She keeps her daughter’s teachers on their best behavior with monthly veiled threats. “I don’t come out and tell them they’re racist and I’m going to sue all the time. I’d rather tell them that saying my daughter is lazy might seem racist or that accidentally bumping into her is the kind of thing that could get a teacher fired.” Watson says that her daughter is on the fast track to success because of her own effective playing of the race card at school. “She knows that liberal white folks are the best targets, and no one is more liberal than teachers. No teacher wants to get reprimanded for being racist, so playing the race card in a public school is an automatic win. That’s my job as a parent: to teach my daughter all I have learned.”

The Society of Unified Entities will present Ke-Ke with the gift of a “charged-up” SNAP card worth over $250 and an actual laminated race card.

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Jacksonville News

New Jax Witty

Articles, reviews, advice, and legitimate research to go along with some back-handed comments. Think of us as Jacksonville's mother-in-law.
  • Fellows and Residents Searching for Rental Properties

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  • If You're Going to Get Guy Food, Be Ready For Anything
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  • Neighborly or Not: Dealing With Conflict in Jacksonville

    Relationships are important, especially when those relationships involve your neighbors. I can write an article on this or other websites that gets hits from all around the country, and I'm just some anonymous guy writing about a topic of interest. But when you post on your Facebook neighborhood group or on Nextdoor, you're making the choice for your neighbors to see the content. Even benign posts with the intent of being diplomatic can be taken the wrong way. A recent situation in my neighborhood is a great example of how conflicts might escalate on social media, even if the intent was basically the exact opposite.


    To begin with, I should have learned my lesson about trusting others when we first moved to Jacksonville. My car was hit from behind at a stop light by a college kid who begged me to let him pay for the damage rather than report another claim to his insurance. I trusted him and basically lost out on $1,000. Welcome to Jacksonville. But I didn't really know him, and I haven't seen him since, so I am mostly over it. Except there was a lesson to be learned that I apparently have yet to figure out. I had several options at my disposal when the latest incident happened, yet I still apparently got it all wrong, and this article represents my effort to clarify and attempt to rectify the situation. I once again relied on trust that another person would do what was right.


    This is what happened and is not disputed: a neighbor’s dog got out of his garage/family room and attacked our dog. Our dog was on a leash and on the sidewalk. The neighbor broke it up quickly and apologized, saying his dog had never done that before. I swore a lot; like a sailor, or maybe even like a sailor from Boston.


    Now for the disputed parts. 

    1. I say it was a Pit Bull, as it was a total Pit Bull attack (and the dog looked like one to me), while the neighbor (or at least his kid) said it was not a Pit Bull. 

    2. While there were no visible signs of injury to our dog immediately, we found a wound the next day that she was licking. 


    To be clear, we never had any problems with this neighbor before. In fact, our interactions had always been pleasant. Plus, I like the fact that he doesn't tend to park his two cars OVER the sidewalk like so many other neighbors, even if he doesn't park them IN the garage where cars belong (my minority opinion). But those cars being in the driveway did allow his dog to surprise us as it charged out of the open garage/family room.


    After the dog attack, we had to decide what to do next. We kicked around all of the ideas, but settled with the (I assume) typical Florida reaction of doing nothing. These are what we believed to be our options. 


    1. Do nothing, hoping my own swearing tirade and the fear of what could have happened would be enough to persuade the owner to keep his dog on a leash.

    2. Go the legal route. Report the incident to Animal Control, the police, and the HOA. File a small claims lawsuit and hope for Judge Judy. However, COJ says you need an affidavit signed by two unrelated people or a video of the incident, which is pretty difficult to pull off (unless the neighbor has surveillance video he'd like to share or wants to sign an affidavit against himself). It also has to be notarized. Really. The HOA option, however, might have led somewhere, though I have had at least two email complaints ignored by our HOA. Your HOA results may vary. And small claims lawsuits are kind of small: I could waste both our time, win a hundred dollars, and just end up with an angry neighbor. It's not like you call JSO for a dog bite, right? Someone suggested putting the vet bills in his mailbox, maybe with a lawyer-ish letter, or even knocking on his door to talk, but I wasn't sure about another in-person confrontation. When our neighbor kid destroyed a Christmas lawn ornament, I also balked at the confrontation, even though I had video evidence. It's just not fun, and those neighbors liked us until the day they moved away, whereas I don't know what would have happened if I called their son a liar.

    3. Social Media Shame. I did NOT do this, though the neighbor seems to believe I did because I referenced the attack in a closed Facebook group post about two other Pit Bulls roaming around the neighborhood. If I wanted to Facebook shame my neighbor, I would have included his name, address, photos of an obvious Pit Bull from his own Facebook posts, his occupation and how it might relate to not wanting to admit what kind of dog he owns, the receipts for our expenses, and photos of the injury. I could have added a photo of the house to warn others to stay away, and I could have further tormented the neighbor with a recap of his court and financial history. And rather than posting it to a closed Facebook group, I certainly would have posted it to all of Facebook and Twitter, along with an article here and on several other websites. And I would have sent links to the local news, the HOA, local politicians, and the neighbor's homeowner's insurance or mortgage company. I collected all of the information I would have needed to be able to do this, but all I did was mention the attack in passing in a post: "I don't want to start a big debate, but our leashed dog was attacked by a pit bull in our neighborhood on the sidewalk a few weeks back (with the owner letting it run loose). I refrained from reporting the owner and suing for vet bills because I did not want to stir up trouble. But now I have this video of two different pit bulls wandering around at 4am. If you like dogs, cats, or small children, this video should worry you. I know some of you love these dogs, so I will not say more. My daughter witnessed the attack and is now worried all over again. Please, keep all of your pets inside, fenced in, and on a leash."


    Apparently, my neighbor whose dog attacked ours saw this post and became angry. Even though our family has mostly stopped walking past his house, I decided to take the dog that direction one morning. As I walked past his house, he walked from his side yard towards the oft-open garage and started laughing loudly. After the restraint I had shown (in my mind) by not suing, issuing complaints, or publicly deriding this man, I assumed the most I would hear out of his mouth would be a half-hearted apology with me accepting and reminding him to keep the dog on a leash. Instead, I heard cynical laughter that continued as I passed his house on the street (avoiding the sidewalk where it happened). Eventually, I said, "What?!"

    The neighbor, who you might realize I am still not naming, went through his list of grievances after saying he saw what I posted on Facebook: “I apologized.” “The dog had never done that before.” “You’re not going to sue.” “Your dog wasn’t even bitten.” “Your daughter only cried because of all your swearing.” I think he also initially asked me what my problem was, or something like that. The point is that he took my passing reference to his negligence and took it to be me attacking him personally, so he decided to come after me personally. Since I was kind of surprised, I didn't say anything. Besides, this neighbor already had two of the 3Ps of Jacksonville (Pit Bull and Pickup), so I assumed he owned the third (Pistol).

    I have tried to see this situation from my neighbor's perspective. I did swear a lot. Our dog didn't yelp. We didn't contact him to see about rabies after the bite. I guess I can see why he thought it was all behind us, but instead of allowing a fairly innocuous Facebook post to go by, he decided to call me a liar, as if I would create that lie and then not try to hit him up for cash? As if I'd create the lie to deride him and then not identify him? 

    So, lessons learned, everyone. It seemed that the only time the offending party in Jacksonville has been happy with me is the time I never told my neighbor his kid destroyed a lawn ornament. That means people want you to forgive, forget, move on, and never mention it. The problem is that I expect the opposite from others if I'm at fault. If my kids destroy something at a neighbor's house, if my dog bites a neighbor's cat, or if I sideswipe a neighbor's car, I want to own that it happened and what I can do to fix the situation. Integrity and honesty, especially when it comes to my kids seeing it. We all make mistakes, but those of us who admit our mistakes instead of trying to pretend they never happened are much better off. I already apologized to my wife and daughter about my swearing incident (and they know it's not who I am). I hope my neighbor can move past the people who might have wronged him in the past and realize that I am not those people. Maybe he also needs to reflect on the man he really is, too, especially if blaming others for his failings is typical. 

    I wish I could offer more concrete advice. I saw one 60s sitcom where the wives got together and figured it all out for their husbands. But I saw another more recent one when the wives got together and made a feud worse. Plus, sitcoms are not real life. Maybe our kids will be friends in high school. My plan is to move on and start walking past the house again. I am hoping I don't have to keep my phone recording the whole time, but since it's Jacksonville, that's probably the best idea.

  • Save Money on Gas
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    While my Shell rewards doesn't allow me to fully stack the rewards, I do get "cash" back from Getupside that can be used for Amazon or Walmart gift cards. Instead of the normal $.12 per gallon, I get $.085 per gallon while saving $.05 at the pump, for a total of 13.5 pennies back per gallon. When gas is as low as $2.00 a gallon, that's a decent 6.75% off. I'm also not limited to Shell with Getupside, so I can just take the $.12 per gallon at a cheaper gas station that also offers my preference of top tier gasoline, though I have yet to research which local ones would be my best bet.
  • Male Fashion and Lifestyle: 3 Things Every Man Needs


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    Also, if you're thinking of moving here and want to hire an actual guide, that can be arranged. Use the contactform to work out the details. Or ask your realtorto take you everywhere...they love doing that.
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  • Guy in Blue VW Probably Deserves What He Gets
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  • People Can Still Hear You, Even if You're Wearing a Mask

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