beckham

I was watching BBC News today because I’m a cultured man and my programs weren't coming in on the antenna, and I heard about this football player from over there who’s going to play for Los Angeles’s new football team, the Galaxy. His name is Daniel or David Beckham, and he must be really good. For me, an avid football fan, to never have heard of this guy just goes to show that Euro-NFL has not exactly taken off. I had no idea than an unproven 31 year-old could sign with a football team for nearly $50 million a year.

I don’t know if the L.A. team is an expansion team or what, but I’m glad L.A. was able to acquire an NFL team because a tough blue-collar town like L.A. needs a pro football team. I just hope this Beckham character knows how to play whatever it is he plays. The news called him a midfielder, and I haven’t played high school football in a few decades, but we never had any of them. Halfback, fullback, quarterback—those I understand. I suppose a midfielder is a defender who runs around behind the real men (linebackers). Back in my time, we used to call them safeties, but I can’t get too upset about change. Like the DH, don’t even get me started on that!

Back in my time, had I wanted to play professional football, I might have made as much as a teacher or janitor. Now, a fella like Beckham will make as much as 1000 well-paid teachers, or 2000 janitors, or 3000 fast food employees. Well, all I can say is, at least you know where you stand with football players, unlike people with real college degrees who always think they’re so smart. If you were so smart, college boy, you’d be making $50,000,000! Smoke that in your pipe, professor!

I also heard on the news broadcast the young man is married to a spice girl. I’m not sure if that means she sorts and grounds spices, or perhaps she sells them in a nice little spice shop. Either way, I suppose she can stay at home and give Mr. Beckham a few sons instead of working on her own career now. I look forward to seeing how the European style of football translates to my favorite sport, and I hope the Pack plays the Galaxy next year.

Sunday, February 25, 2018 12835
Plans for new schools will be adopted all over the nation in response to President Trump’s suggestion that they be more secure. The new schools will ensure that students are able to learn without fear of being targeted by fellow students with assault rifles. These schools will be able to protect students in an environment conducive to learning. However, the added security will come at a cost. Fort Trump High School Old schools will be retrofitted and new schools will be built to the following specifications: The Keep--This is where the school office will be located. It’s the tallest and strongest tower. Armed guards will have a view in all directions from here. If all else fails, all students can retreat to the keep. The Moat--Water surrounding the school in order to make sure only authorized personnel are allowed in or out. The Towers--Each school should have at least four towers, but these should be rounded so that invading gunmen can’t knock them down by the foundation. These towers will provide an excellent vantage point for archers. As a side note, archery will be taught as a gym class as an important life skill and as a way to man the towers with students. The Gatehouse--A single, fortified entryway will be designed into every school. The drawbridge will be lowered at the beginning of the school day and up until the start of classes, at which point the structure will be sealed for the day. The Barbican--This passageway will lead to the gatehouse, but any gunmen trapped in here can be doused with boiling oil or other traps. The Great Hall--This is where all of the learning will occur. Most schools will divide this space into classrooms, but confining all students in one central location helps to keep them safer, since the hall will have several armed law enforcement officers. Weaponry It’s recommended that the modern American high school be armed in a way that can thwart an assault by any deranged individual with a military-grade assault equipment. This includes miniguns, Katanas, black powder cannons, crossbows, grenade launchers, nunchucks, spearguns, chain whips, and AR-15s. All legal for perpetrators. Therefore, the armed guards stationed at each tower, including the Keep, the gatehouse, and throughout the Great Hall. Conversely, well-trained teachers like John Kelly could staff the guard posts during their prep periods. All guns for schools can be purchased through reputable gun dealers associated with the NRA. The building boom will result in trillions of dollars for new fortress schools, as well as millions of dollars in new gun purchases, fully capable of jumpstarting the economy. As an added bonus, some schools will serve dual purpose as prisons, local armories, and neighborhood fortresses for protection against terrorist attacks.
Sunday, September 21, 2014 15524
The Green Bay Packers have requested an investigation by the NFL into the abuse the team has received at the hands of other teams so far this season. Mike McCarthy officially requested action from the league following his team's second loss of the season to the Detroit Lions. Though the Packers were not the first to get smacked around by an unemployed loved one in Detroit, the team felt it deserved better.

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