Waterloo high school students have begun getting stoned instead of going to games on Friday nights. In light of all the regulations put down by the WIAA, students have decided their time was better suited “taking hits” from the bong instead of cheering their peers on the court. Kevin Valtrop told the local paper, “I’m just sick of going to the game and being told by the administration to be mindful of the opposing team’s feelings when we cheer.” Kevin could not understand why the cheer, “He grabbed our ball and touched my sac” was not appropriate for a group of hormone-raging teens to chant. The students are fed up and are staging a protest of Weedstock proportions.

Frank Goerteng who is leading the protest at a yet to be named location stated, “Screw the school. We’re just going to get stoned and play a good ole’ fashioned game of co-ed naked twister.” Local drug dealer Justin McNaughten is excited about the potential boost in sales that a Weedstock type event in Waterloo will bring him.

The local booster club is saddened at the news, as the income received from these games helps support building new weight room for the student athletes at the school. Booster member Harold Reinhance stated, “How are we going to put out a great team without providing them with a place to bulk up and get inspired. Granted, the cheerleading squad isn’t hard on the eyes this year.”Waterloo’s principal Gary Ross doesn’t appear concerned about the students’ increase in drug use, but felt the need to stand firm in abiding by WIAA policy. He told us, “Hey, kids are going to do drugs no matter if we enforce rules or not. We feel that the WIAA hit the nail on the head by not allowing this type of cheering at events.”The WIAA referred to their policy on sportsmanship and stated that there should be no such thing as home court advantage at high school sporting events. WIAA Board of Control president Buck Diener stated, “These students are just trying to make us change our policies to allow students to begin having fun at high school sports events again, and that’s not what sportsmanship is all about.”

Friday, November 18, 2016 9380
What we say and what we mean about Donald Trump. These words apply to both liberal and conservative, friend and foe. Probably even offspring and wives. What we say: He’s a successful businessman What we mean: He runs companies into the ground yet stays rich. He fails time and again yet claims to be an authority. He tells truthful hyperbole and people believe him. That’s probably success. What we say: He has small hands What we mean: He has a small cock and compensates buy covering things in gold that have no business being covered in gold, like his hair color. What we say: He tells it like it is What we mean: He makes everything up as he goes, and does it loudly, like an American tourist in Western Europe. He’s your idiot cousin who’s good at oil changes, so you let him change your oil, even if he insists on listening to his favorite Limp Bizkit CD. What we say: What he said about women is locker room talk, and his accusers are liars What we mean: Men: I WISH I could get away with saying and doing what he’s said and done. Women: With that money and power, he can grab me like a pair of boots on Black Friday What we say: He’s a Christian What we mean: I care about one issue in the world, and that’s abortion. And not being compassionate towards foreigners or those who are sick. And making a lot of money. What we say: He’ll make America great again What we mean: My wife stopped giving me head after a year of marriage, and then some brown person moved into the house two over from me and has a better job than my wife who has a better job than me. What we say: He says what I want to say and isn’t politically correct What we mean: I will no longer be seen as the biggest douchebag around at family gatherings and on social media. What we say: He’s a good person What we mean: I care about one issue in the world, and that’s abortion. And not being compassionate towards foreigners or those who are sick. And making a lot of money. What we say: He has a beautiful wife What we mean: She is a golddigger and a trophy. He’s a sleazy old man who is the envy of most other old men who don’t have the money or energy to be sleazy. What we say: His wife is not only beautiful but also intelligent What we mean: She’s a stupid fashion model who looks good in anything, even smart people clothes, and she can get away with plagiarism and saying less than a Muslim wife because she’s from a Third-World Eastern European Country and freakin stupid, but I don’t care. What we say: He’s taking America back! What we mean: A Black president was as much as I could handle. A woman? Hell no! I’m not racist or sexist. I’m just telling it like it is.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 5981
American Dreaming With Dan Brubus Keep driving your SUVs, people, because we’re about make history! I knew my Lord and savior Jesus Christ was on my side when I decided against going to Miami to take a job with a competitor. “Yeah, the weather sucks here,” I reasoned, “and the girls aren’t nearly as hot, but I can afford a Brookfield mansion for less than a million bucks, and still have enough left over to stock my garage.” Anyhow, the great weather is about to come to me, so I’ll be retiring at about 55 with more money in the bank than you’ll make in a lifetime, and beautiful weather, as well. What do we have to thank for all this? Global warming, of course.

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