I pay a lot of money to have a luxury suite at Milwaukee Brewers games, or should I say the company that pays me what I’m worth pays a lot for the suite. I say that the rich and famous of Milwaukee deserve to flush whatever they want into the river because we keep the city afloat. I was told that the suites are responsible for the raw sewage being dumped into the river, and that the restrooms may not be available for opening day. That’s simply outrageous! I have some very important Taiwaneese businessmen coming to the game to see Hong-Chih Kuo play and possibly sign a multi-million dollar deal for me, and there is no way they are going to use a port-a-pot so some tree-hugging enviro-nazis can limit the waste in the river.

What most of the wackos out there don’t understand is that this entire region depends on the income generated by successful people like myself, and a few more thousands of gallons of waste isn’t going to ruin anything important in the ecosystem. Have you ever seen how big Lake Michigan is while flying in your private jet over it? I thought not. However, the fact remains that the lake is big enough to handle the liquor-tainted piss from a few important people in order to grease the wheels of progress.

I’m not just thinking of myself and my promotion here. We could become the global headquarters if this deal goes well, and that means more people wanting to buy dilapidated farmland to put up million dollar homes. Of course, tree-huggers often oppose that sort of progress as well, but that’s no surprise, because most of those granola-eaters probably want economic decline in the region so they can go back to a simpler way of living. How much more simple can you get than pissing in the river, I ask? Honestly, it’s what the river is there for. Ashes to ashes, people! When I need to change my oil, do I waste my valuable time dumping the old oil off at the auto parts store after the loser neighbor kid changes it? Hell no—that’s what the sewer in front of my house is for. When it snows, do I break my back shoveling it? Not a chance—that’s what salt is for. And when I finish using chemical bottles, do I go hang out with the low-lifes at the dump to dispose of it? Not in my leather-upholstered vehicle—that’s what the fire pit is for. And should the Brewers fall to pressure from a small minority of people who think they need to clean up? Not if they want my money!

Saturday, February 19, 2011 9022
The Republicans have called their cuts to state spending and what workers will give up modest, but Walker has been working on an even more modest proposal to save millions of dollars in medical spending on children in the state. While Walker cannot legally strip Medicaid spending on the children, if the children did not exist, they would not need the services.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007 5642
American Dreaming With Dan Brubus Keep driving your SUVs, people, because we’re about make history! I knew my Lord and savior Jesus Christ was on my side when I decided against going to Miami to take a job with a competitor. “Yeah, the weather sucks here,” I reasoned, “and the girls aren’t nearly as hot, but I can afford a Brookfield mansion for less than a million bucks, and still have enough left over to stock my garage.” Anyhow, the great weather is about to come to me, so I’ll be retiring at about 55 with more money in the bank than you’ll make in a lifetime, and beautiful weather, as well. What do we have to thank for all this? Global warming, of course.

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