Email Kinda Confusing After Night at State Fair; Tone Seems Desperate


What the heck are you trying to tell me, Tommy? I got this email after a long night at State Fair, and I’m just not sure what I’m supposed ta do. I want my favorite governor to become the next president, but you hafta make it easier than this, especially since most of your supporters are taking in country music shows at the fair this week. Let’s just take a look at the email and figure it out:

“If you're a SOTT (Supporter of Tommy Thompson), then this is probably the most important email you have ever received from his campaign.” Besides the goofy SOTT thing, I can grasp this part.   “Without your help and support this week, Tommy Thompson's campaign cannot go on.” I’ll do what I can, big guy. “Tommy Thompson has made it clear that if he doesn't finish first or second this week in Ames, Iowa at the straw poll, he will not go on in this race.” Wait, my contribution can’t make that insanity happen without some kind of Children of the Corn type of occurrence there. Really, T, first or second? How about a distant fifth? And then you can drink a fifth of something tasty and plan ahead for the next election. You're good, but just not that good.  “To date he has outworked every other candidate running for president in Iowa.  His ideas on ending the war in Iraq, fixing America's ailing health care system and finding a cure for cancer are being heard, but not by enough people.” So why not? How frickin big is Iowa anyhow? Wasn’t that the goal, just to win Iowa, and hope everyone else just followed its lead, like in fashion and other important national decisions, when we all apparently pay attention to what Iowa thinks first. Yeah, Iowa. So it's sort of the complaining about having a big ass portion of the booty call. No, Tommy, I don't think you have a big ass. I think you look just fine the way you are, but you just have to convince the peeps in Iowa.  

“What's worse, is that the news media will shut him out of the national news coverage unless he finishes first or second this Saturday in Ames.” What’s worse than what, the fact that he is himself giving up if he does not finish one or two? Why in the world would the coverage continue if he drops out of the race? Wait, maybe this is just a blind attack on the media, in which case I agree whole-heartedly. It's like in the booty call when she says those magazines make her feel inadequate... all you gotsta do is say something nice, and it's boom chicky wow wow time.

 “We need your help in two ways:

1)       If you live in Iowa and have an Iowa driver's license, please come to Ames and take 30 minutes to vote. That's it. It's an historic opportunity to make a real difference for our country.  Email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to reserve your complimentary ticket or call our campaign office at 515-422-5100.” Guess I’m just wondering what ticket I’m getting if I vote… airline, party, museum admission?

2)       “Please purchase a commemorative "In the Arena" print on canvas and 80% of the revenue will go to Tommy Thompson's Presidential campaign.” Huh? This is getting kinda weird now, Tommy. You can give me stuff to vote for you, but I ain’t buying some velvet painting to support you.

“This is an amazing offer and for only $50 + shipping, you can have an art print of the United States Capitol with Teddy Roosevelt's famous quote on it. Even better, the print comes on museum quality canvas with archival giclee inks that are warranted to last for more than one hundred years.  As you can see, this is a beautiful print that's worth having in any home.  But more important, 80% of your contribution goes to the Tommy Thompson Presidential Campaign. "

"Just click here to go to a secure, encrypted Web page to use your credit card to purchase this beautiful collector print.” So, let me get this straight: Tommy’s giving up if he doesn’t win this weekend, but he wants me to buy his  $50 + shipping art print on actual canvas with some ink that will last 100 years in order to support his campaign, even though he’s giving up (whether he blames the media or not)? I might live another 50 years, and the hell if I want to be reminded of his failed campaign for even that long! It's like the booty call when she asks you if you'd marry her!

   Wow, that’s some quote from Roosevelt, and honestly, one piece of crap little art print. 

“’It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again... who at the best knows in the end the triumphs of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.’President Theodore Roosevelt
Paris, France

Too bad Tommy hasn’t thought of anything that deep on his own. But that’s OK, because Bush hasn’t yet, either.  By the way, why was our president even in France in 1905?  

“Thank you,
Steve Grubbs National Campaign DirectorTommy Thompson for President  

P.S. If you would like to make a contribution directly to the campaign, click here.” Please feel free to contribute all you want to Tommy’s bid for president, but it's sorta like paying for an abortion with a girl who made a booty call to you. I was stoked at first, but this last email just confused me. Does Tommy want me creating fake Iowa IDs and lining up with my friends to vote? Does Tommy want me to boycott the liberal media? Does Tommy want me to actually buy that stupid poster? He never really tells me how I should help to fix the results or anything, and that’s simply disappointing coming from Tommy, though I'd say the overall tone is about that of an ex-girlfriend who just got dumped by some geek and drank four large margaritas before calling. That's my Tommy!


Jacksonville News

New Jax Witty

Articles, reviews, advice, and legitimate research to go along with some back-handed comments. Think of us as Jacksonville's mother-in-law.
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    I saw the term used on the First Coast News Weather Channel. When I asked Google, she said she didn't know how to help with that, so I just searched the term "polar blue skies" myself on Google. The top results were from old First Coast News posts about the weather. So is it a Jax thing or a local meteorologist thing? Or a real thing that most weather people ignore?
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    Evan Clagnaz is a lot like me. He's from Wisconsin. He wants a Culver's in the Arlington area of Jacksonville. He trusts other people. He has a few million dollars to invest in a restaurant. Etc. 

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  • The Best Gyros in Jacksonville
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  • Jacksonville Community Services Directory on Gloo
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    I am sure there are other websites out there that actually provide links to your organization, but if a lot of churches use this Gloo program, it's worth adding your listing, as well. I think it's supposed to function as a way for church members to find places to volunteer and maybe volunteer organizations to find churches that are engaged in the community, so it makes sense to claim your listing, since it seems to be free.

    What's nice is the ability to search based on type of organization and then type of services offered. For example, you could search for "Church" and "Online Sermons" in order to get these results, albeit without links to the online sermons. It's very similar to a system I set up for my church about a decade ago for its 100 or so ministries so that people could search based on interest, except that was for a single church rather than a map of an entire country. And I had more categories, which would be nice on the only includes very basic church services. Like my own creation, I assume this resource is underutilized. However, now your church or organization doesn't have the excuse that you didn't know it existed. 

    Yes, you can pay $8,000 (PER YEAR!) for an online marketing firm to show you pretty presentations, create a ho-hum app, and sell you free online tools (Wordpress/Google Analytics/Email Newsletters) for a steep cost, or you can list your organization in ways like this, use Google and other free tools, and have a good freelance web designer make a website to which YOU add real content that brings in real traffic looking for a real church. 

    This website has about 500 posts and averages 9,000 REAL reads a month, but it's all because of those 500 articles. I don't have an app, unless someone wants to add this site to their home screen (feel free). I don't email anyone. I don't market because I write. Some of my best articles don't even show up on Google anymore because they are no longer deemed relevant, while other articles get Top 10 rock star status. If your church offers addiction counseling, an article about your service might not get any hits because of all the other counseling services, but if you also write articles about how you deliver groceries to members and recycle batteries and make masks for frontline workers, one of those articles might inspire someone to watch a service or visit your church. And if you can link related articles to each other, that also helps. Even if it only inspires people to get involved at another church, your article got hits and results. Most people who find your church are not going to immediately download your app and sign up for newsletters. 

    Based on church websites I've built, this website generates about 10 times the traffic of a typical church website that doesn't publish new content. Those churches would benefit from listing with Gloo, but they would benefit more from posting articles. They might be able to fake it a little with SEO and targeted marketing, but the long-term results may not be useful if there's never any new content. Apps don't create content. Neither do great keywords. If you want people to discover the community services at your church, write about them, even if it's a single article about care packs for immigrants from 2015. That said, I'm sure most churches will continue to send email blasts and run tired capital campaigns with no website evidence as to why someone would want to join or give. 

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    Educabana - Educational Resources
    Brave New Church - Church Website Design
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